40 Years of Celebrating Jaime

It is hard for me to imagine that this week will be my baby girl's 40th birthday. Wasn't it just yesterday that she just a beautiful infant (see Birthday Girl)? Wasn't she just a very loud and energetic child? Wasn't she just a snarly teenager? Wasn't she just a proud college grad? Wasn't she just a blushing bride (see With This Ring)? Wasn't she just a terminal cancer patient (see Blowing Out Birthday Candles)?

Those memories, both amazing and horrific, are all that's left. My Jaime will not be here to celebrate this milestone or any others in the future because melanoma took her life when she was 29. Thanks to her love of tanning beds, she was diagnosed when she was 20 and only celebrated 9 more birthdays. And for many of those, she wore a brave mask to cover her pain. Melanoma has a nasty way of stealing birthdays!

I know that many of you have come to know my only daughter, my best friend, my hero, my courageous melanoma warrior Jaime through my stories on social media. However, in honor of her 40th birthday, I'd like to share a few of the
pieces that made up our Jaime.

Jaime was, in many ways, unique, seeming to live life at a faster pace than most, perhaps somehow knowing that her time here was limited. She was the ultimate free spirit. No one else could make me so angry or make me laugh so hard. She had a huge heart but wasn't all sweetness; there was plenty of spice mixed in. She definitely did her own thing and wasn't concerned about what others thought. She was outspoken, sometimes brutally outspoken. Either you adored her or you couldn't stand her -- there was no middle ground -- and she didn't really care. But if you were her friend, she would do anything for you!

She always wanted to be the center of attention and usually made sure that she was, much to her brothers' dismay. Jaime was that annoying child who always had to be first in line. She never met a stranger, and she could talk your ear off. But she always had that beautiful smile on her face and a contagious laugh. And she loved to sing and dance. For Jaime, life was one big party ... her show and she was the star!

As a toddler she looked like an angel with unruly strawberry blonde curls going everywhere, bright blue eyes, and freckles flowing over her nose and down her cheeks. But when that little angel opened her mouth, her vocabulary made your toes curl up and your eyes pop out. The "F" word was among her favorites ... and remained so throughout her entire life. I tried to clean up her potty mouth by washing her mouth out with soap, until one day she gave me a bubbly smile and declared that she was starting to like the taste of that!!

At the first parent/teacher conference of each school year, Jaime's teachers would tell us that we should be prepared for them to recommend holding her back to repeat the grade, but by the end of the year they couldn't wait to pass her along to the next group of unsuspecting teachers. The school psychologist assured us that Jaime would be a powerful leader as an adult ... but because of the damn cancer, all she could do as an adult was fight for her life!

I'm sure she was responsible for giving her teachers more than a little gray hair! She was the child who got bored and roamed around the school for hours, ending up in the nurse's office every day just to chat. It was impossible to know whether Jaime was a good student in elementary school because she never really took a test. She insisted on being the first student to finish a test so she just went through and marked a, b, c, d answers, without reading the questions. We weren't even sure she could read, but she did graduate from college with honors so I guess she had us all fooled!

To my knowledge, she never discriminated against anyone, having friends of all colors, faiths, cultures, and sexual orientations ... but she did not hesitate to judge people based on whether or not they were a$$holes (a word that took second place in her list of favorites!).


Every summer Jaime participated on the YMCA swim team, not because she was a great swimmer or was competitive in any way, but because she could hang out every day with friends of all ages. For her, it was a summer-long party, and swimming a lap now and then was just the price she was willing to pay. Jaime was also goalie on a soccer team, where she spent each game perfecting her cartwheels in front of the goal box. She was a social animal, not an athlete!

Then that little girl then became a feisty, independent, defiant, moody teenager with a wild streak, who declared war on her parents and any other authority figures! One night when she was out with friends, her phone butt-dialed us. We could hear her laughing and proclaiming that "I'm so drunk! And my parents don't even know that I drink!!" Giggle, giggle, giggle! Well, her parents did then, and they weren't laughing. That got her grounded for months.

That snarly teenager blossomed into a college student but not without some bribery. Her high school dean had destroyed her confidence by telling her she could never pass a college class. But after passing the first class with an A (with a lot of tutoring from Mom), she found her lost determination and continued to take and pass classes until graduating with honors.

Jaime was very orderly and organized (must have gotten that trait from her daddy) -- and a control freak. She planned and executed the magical wedding of her dreams without a single hitch, but I'm sure her vendors were dreaming about executing her before it was over!

Her career in fashion merchandising had its start and devastating finish at Fossil, with her being told to leave because of her melanoma diagnosis. But I will save that story for a future blog dealing with cancer patients and employment. She did, however, go on to create her hand-crafted jewelry business, which I now continue for her.

And that brings us to the Jaime you are more familiar with, the one who fought melanoma for 9 years with grit, determination, and her delightful sense of humor, never allowing the cancer to define her. She made me so proud of the fierce warrior she became ... and she never lost her love of life, her spunk and sparkle, or that beautiful smile.

When we were planning her headstone, I was told to think of a 6-word saying to include on it. When I asked her oldest brother Ben about it, he said without hesitation "She Gave the World the Finger." That is not the saying that we chose to live on her grave marker for eternity, but it was oh so fitting! Jaime definitely lived life her way ... and lived it well.

Jaime was not perfect -- but she was so perfectly Jaime!!

Happy 40th Birthday, sweet girl!

Melanoma Mama (Jaime's mom, Donna)

http://www.facebook.com/donna.h.regen
http://www.facebook.com/jaime.regen.rea (Remember Jaime)

http://www.facebook.com/BanTheBeds (Pull the Plug on Tanning Beds)
https://www.etsy.com/shop/sweetpea321 (Jjem Creations)
http://stores.ebay.com/Sweetpea321 (Jjem Creations)

Birthday Girl

April 6. It's Party Time! ... but where is the birthday girl? Today is my daughter Jaime's birthday. It should have been her 37th birthday celebration, but, thanks to her obsession with tanning beds and the melanoma that resulted, she will not be celebrating this one or any future birthdays. There will be no party, no presents, no birthday cake and candles. And she will remain 29 forever.

During an April blizzard in the Cleveland, Ohio, area in 1977, Jaime was born. She was my 10-month pregnancy. Her due date was actually on my birthday, March 16 ... which (insert Twilight Zone music here) also happens to be the date on which she died just 29 short years later. (See my blog Blowing Out Birthday Candles.) One of those things that makes you go hmmmm!

Anyway, I was more than ready to meet her. And it didn't take long ... about an hour. The doctor missed the delivery (and I refused to pay his full bill); Daddy missed it too because he was busy getting dressed in his delivery room gear. But between me, the nurse, and Jaime, we got the job done! 

I was crying when my husband arrived in the delivery room, which alarmed him. But they were tears of joy that she was a girl ... a Jaime and not a Jacob! We didn't have sonograms in those days to tell us the sex of the baby ahead of the delivery, so it was always a surprise. Jaime had two very rambunctious brothers at home, one had just turned 3 years old and the other a little over 1, so I was overjoyed and felt blessed to be the recipient of a quiet, dainty, demure little girl. I would live in that fantasy for only a few months before it became crystal clear that she was every bit as wild as her brothers ... or maybe more so!

Now Jaime's birthdays weren't just birthdays ... they were BIRTHDAYS (and often extended to birthweeks and birthmonth).

April 6 was her special day, and everyone was expected to celebrate that day, even strangers ... although to Jaime there was no such thing as a stranger. She would start planning her birthday celebrations on April 7 for the next year ... reminding us that her birthday was only 364 days away. It was intense. Just ask her friends. And this enthusiasm for her day ... Jaime's Day ... continued throughout her short life. But she would only see 29 birthdays ... just 29.

When she turned 25, her new husband threw her a surprise birthday party. Unfortunately only a couple weeks before that (see more in the blog With This Ring), we discovered that her cancer had spread and she was rediagnosed with stage IV melanoma. There was not a dry eye at that party ... except for Jaime, who with her usual beautiful big smile told all in attendance to stop the crying because it wasn't like she was dying or anything. Always the optimist; always positive. But everyone there knew that she was, in fact, dying! We didn't know that she would only celebrate 4 more Jaime Days, but we knew those special days were limited.

Jaime's life ended just 3 weeks before her 30th birthday, and her death could have been prevented. If her vanity had not driven her into the tanning beds for a darker skin tone than what she was born with, she might have gotten to celebrate #30 and beyond. We will never know what might have been in Jaime's future because the melanoma caused by the excessive tanning bed UV radiation cut her life way too short.


Birthdays are not the only things that melanoma can steal from you. Melanoma can take pieces of your body, a chunk of tissue here or an eye or ovary there. It can take your energy and your hair. It can take your time and your job. It can take your friendships and relationships. It can take your security and peace of mind and restful sleep at night. It can take your ability to walk or talk or breathe. It can take your dreams and your future. It is an evil monster of a disease that will take whatever it wants whenever it wants and should never be invited into your life by frying your skin.

But Jaime had it right. Birthdays are special; they are precious. Celebrate each one and make lots of memories. And do what needs to be done to reach your next special day. Be proactive with your health. Get regular check-ups and skin checks, stop smoking, eat healthier, lose that extra weight, exercise, go for that mammogram, be sun smart ... and stay out of the damn tanning beds. Too many birthdays have been lost that didn't need to be!

This year and every year since April 6, 2007, we don't light birthday candles for Jaime Day ... we light a memorial candle. Sadly, the party has been cancelled.

Happy Birthday in Heaven, sweet baby girl!


 Melanoma Mama (Jaime's mom, Donna)

Twitter: @melanoma_mama
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/donna.h.regen
http://www.facebook.com/jaime.regen.rea (Remember Jaime)

http://www.facebook.com/BanTheBeds (Pull the Plug on Tanning Beds)
Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/sweetpea321 (Jjem Creations)
Ebay: http://stores.ebay.com/Sweetpea321 (Jjem Creations)